


Item #10: Invite Mistah Steel's Friends

by mercutiglo



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Birthday Party, M/M, Other, Party Planning, Surprise Party, alcohol ment, this has almost everyone in it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-10-29 03:32:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17800295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mercutiglo/pseuds/mercutiglo
Summary: What if Rita Minute #3 went as according to Rita's original checklist? What if she hadn't forgotten Item #10?aka Juno Big Surprise Birthday Party Fic (and also let's pretend that the finale didn't blow wide open holes in a number of things)





	1. Planning

“Yeah boss I got it, no surprises, no problem. I know how ya are. You are still plannin on comin to get me tonight though for our movie, right Mista Steel?” Rita sat at her dining room table, her laptop open to a spreadsheet and a notebook next to it filled with notes, a pack of multicolored pens strewn about the table as they had clearly been used by Rita while she was taking these notes, not bothering to put them back in any kind of order. Some note cards were sitting next to the pack of pens, precariously close to the edge of the table and a mug of coffee she had made for herself so that she could prepare for the extra busy day. There were piles of papers crumpled up in the corner, from fancy paper spaceships she had been making last night to keep herself from worrying about planning this party. She knew she would have to deal with those eventually, but she needed to focus on the conversation with Mistah Steel and where was the notecard she made for if he had any questions that required her to lie?

 

“Yes Rita, of course I am. What else would I be doing?” Juno was at the office, waiting to meet with a few clients that weren’t able to come in until later that afternoon and Juno refused to use his birthday as an excuse to not have a client meeting, but giving Rita the day off because he didn’t see any reason for her to come in on whatever holiday it was that Khan also celebrated. Some Earth holiday…. Crisis? No, that couldn’t be right, that was every day of Juno’s life. Maybe that was right….

 

“Well I dunno boss maybe you made other plans with your friends for tonight. You didn’t, did you?” Rita had already called, emailed, messaged, mailed, and called again each of Mista Steel’s friends to make sure that all of them were going to be coming today, but she forgot to double check that Mista Steel hadn’t tried to make plans with any friends. It’d be so sad if he tried to make plans but instead all of his friends said they were busy.

 

“No, Rita. We already said we were going to the movies, why would I try and make plans with other people? You weren’t expecting me to, were you?”  


“Oh no, absolutely not boss I know how you are I just wanted to be sure because….” Rita forgot to think of a reason why she would need to check if he had invited other people. Juno was waiting for her to come up with something, and she could tell that he was going to start putting pieces together if she didn’t say something fast.“....Because that way I don’t have to make sure I reserve more seats at the theater, that’s why! And also that way I made sure to get enough snacks!” She turned to look into her kitchen behind her, where bags of various kinds of snacks were stacked many bags high, and some were still in cupboards and she gasped. She realized what she had forgotten.

 

“Rita, are you okay?”

 

“Yeah Mista Steel, I just, uh, realized I left my laundry in! And I need to go take care of that! I’ll see you later Mista Steel bye!!” She frantically looked around at her many post it notes, trying to find the one that had the name of the baker on it. She went through every stack and couldn’t find it, and was about two seconds away from screaming when her comms rang. “Hello, this is Rita’s house, Rita speaking!” she said into it, rather frantically and significantly more loudly than she intended.

 

“There’s no need to shout there, Rita. It’s Captain Khan. I was about to leave to get on my way over to your place, is there anything you need to me get for you while I’m out? You sound very stressed out so if there’s something I can do to help you, just let me know.” Khan was very calm to the clearly frenzied woman on the other side of the phone, and had Khan been at Rita’s house, unmarried, and still the same amount of calm Rita would’ve kissed him on the spot.

 

“Oh, Mista Khan that’s so nice of you! And, if you don’t mind, yes, there actually is something you can help me with. Ya know that bakery that’s downtown sorta by town hall but like, four blocks away?”

 

There was a beat of pause. “Those are some of the least specific instructions on where to find something before but luckily yes, I do know what bakery you’re talking about.”

 

“Okay well I ordered a cake from there that says “Happy Birthday, Mista Steel” and I haven’t gotten any calls confirming that they’ve finished it but also I can’t find the number for the place because all my notecards have somehow gone missing and I really don’t like this but-”

 

“It’s okay, Rita. I’ll stop by, ask if they’ve got a cake with those words on it, let you know, and I’ll pick it up and bring it over. Sound good? I’ve also got some paper plates, some cups, some plastic silverware, the other kind of stuff you need for a party, so I’ll bring those too, they’re left over from a party I had myself a couple weeks ago and won’t be used any time soon.”  


Rita was trying her best not to tear up at how kind of a gesture it was, but she wasn’t succeeding all that well. “Oh Captain Khan that’s so nice of you! Thank you thank you thank you! The cake should already be paid for, so you don’t have to worry about that either! Thank you so much!”

 

Captain Khan started mumbling, trying his best to avoid dealing with an emotional Rita right now. “It’s no problem, Rita. I’ll see you in a little bit, buh-bye.”

 

Rita wiped at her eyes carefully and looked over at her checklist after ending the call, crossing off a few items from the checklist. She had talked to Khan about the cake because he seemed to be the nicest, even if he could be a bit gruff at times. And the fact that he was bringing along some extra plates and things meant that she didn’t need to worry about not having enough, which was even better and saved her an emergency trip to the store. She picked up her comms and dialed another number.

 

“Alessandra Strong, who the hell is this?”

 

Rita sighed. “Miss Strong it’s me, Rita. Mistah Steel’s secretary? I called you two days ago about Mistah Steel’s birthday party today?”

 

Alessandra paused for a moment. “Oh! You! Juno’s birthday! Yes of course, so sorry Rita, yes, I remember now. I’ve had quite the case the past few days but not to worry, I’m still available to come to the party later. I take it it is still happening, yes? Juno hasn’t all of a sudden backed out on it?”

 

“Well, it’s a surprise party, so he can’t really back out of it. And yes, it’s still happening, I was just callin to make sure you were still able to pick up those-”  


“Oh yes! The pizzas! Yes.” Sounds of Alessandra getting up and moving around all of a sudden drifted through the comms. The sound of her setting her comms down and zippers being pulled up were substituted for words until Alessandra picked her comms back up and the sound of a door closing was behind her breathing. “Yes I absolutely did not forget about the pizzas and am on my way to go get them right this moment. You have nothing to worry about, Rita.”

 

Rita knew she was lying, but by her calculations, Alessandra would still have plenty of time to go get them even if she was only just leaving then. “Thank’s Alessandra! You have the right address for the pizza place and my house, correct?” Oh man, she forgot to double check that Khan had her address right.

 

More doors slamming and a car engine revving to life. “Yup yup, it’s all good to go.”  


“And you know that the pizzas will be picked up under my name? I paid online already, so you should just be able to pick them up, I’ve never had any problems with them before.”

 

“Yup. Rita I’m gonna let you go, I think I may have just solved my case that I’m working on as well, but don’t you worry, I will be there in time with the pizzas. See ya later.” As she ended the call Rita could hear her start shouting something at someone, but decided she was probably better off if she just let Alessandra do her PI thing, the same way she would let Mistah Steel do his.

 

Just as Rita was going to send a message to Captain Khan to make sure that he had the right address for her house, she got a call from someone. “Hiya this is Rita speaking!” she shouted into her comms, crossing off her calling Alessandra from her list as well as guaranteeing that the pizzas were getting picked up. She’d call her back in just a little bit to make sure that her case wasn’t too much work and that she was still able to get the pizzas.

 

“Hey Rita, it’s Mick. Mercury. You know you don’t gotta shout into your comms every time you answer it, right?” She could imagine he was rubbing at his ear and holding his phone about a foot away from his ear based on how quiet he was, but paid no mind to it since the amount of other noise was nearly overpowering.

 

“I’m not shouting into my comms. You know you can hold it up next to your ear, right Mistah Mercury? You’re awfully quiet yourself, where even are ya?”

 

“That’s because - oh nevermind. Anyways, I was calling to make sure I had the right address for your house, you said 863 Riverside Drive, right?”

 

Rita immediately went into a panic. That wasn’t what she had said, was it? “Uhhh, no! At least I don’t think that’s what I said! No, Mistah Mercury it’s 427 Lakeview Avenue. I’m over kinda on the west side of the city, isn’t Riverside Drive over all the way on the other side of town?!”

 

Rita heard Mick slow his bike to a stop, the background noise gone. “Huh.” She heard his head swishing around, looking at the area that he was in. “You know, that explains a lot, I knew you actually lived in a house, but I didn’t think JJ paid you enough to live over here, there are some awfully big houses. Lakeview Avenue you said?”

 

“Yes, Mistah Mercury. Lakeview.”

 

“Well I’ll be darned. Say, why do you think there are so many different names for streets that have to do with water? There aren’t any lakes or rivers on Mars that I can even think of that aren’t human-made.”

 

Rita rolled her eyes. This wasn’t the time for in depth discussion of city naming strategies, but she had to admit, it was a good question. “Ya know Mistah Mercury, I’m not really sure. I’d guess it was because way back when the people from Earth were like ‘well ya know Mars has water on it so we can move there and be miserable there too’ so that’s probably why, they wanted to keep the tradition alive.”

 

“Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, Rita! You’re so smart, I can really see why Jay keeps ya around. So you said 724 Lakeview Lane?”

 

Rita sighed as heavily as she could. Most of the time she couldn’t tell if Mistah Mercury was just playin mean tricks on her or if he actually had the memory of a goldfish, in which case it was amazing Mistah Steel was able to put up with him for so long. “427 Lakeview _Avenue_ , Mistah Mercury. You know what, I’ll send ya a text that says it so you don’t mix it up again.” Surely he could at least figure out how to use his GPS better than Mistah Steel could. “I gotta go make sure that no one else got the address mixed up.”

 

She heard the motorbike’s engine rev back to life. “Alrighty, that’d be great Rita, thanks a ton. Is there anything you need me to get ya on the way there? Since, you know, I have to drive through pretty much all of Hyperion City.”

 

Rita looked down at her list. “Give me just a second.” The cake was taken care of, the pizzas were taken care of. The pile of chips and crackers and other assorted things on her counters was threatening to tip over at any moment. “Is there a chance you could pick up some pop? I think we’re good on just about everything else, but we don’t have enough drinks yet, and someone else is likely bringing a lot of alcohol.” She made a note on the list to call Jacket after she was done talking to Mick.

 

“Stop at the store and grab some soda, you got it Rita. See ya later!” He hung up before she had a chance to correct him. She turned around and dug in a drawer to find another list, this one labelled ‘Reasons Mick Mercury is More of a Mess than Mistah Steel’ and added to the bottom of it ‘Calls it soda instead of pop.’ This list was certainly far longer than it really needed to be, but it was nice every time her heart decided that it wanted to have some feelings for Mistah Mercury, considering she wasn’t entirely sure it was right to be dating one of her boss’ childhood friends, and her boss’ other childhood friend was terrifying so Rita wasn’t even worried about having feelings for her.

 

She put the Mick Mercury list back in the drawer and turned back to the more important list. She crossed off Mick’s name and also crossed off that he would be getting pop for the party. She quick sent Captain Khan and Alessandra texts with her address so that she could be sure that she hadn’t screwed up them as well. Khan replied in the affirmative, sending a picture of the cake with it. It looked absolutely gorgeous. She had ordered a chocolate cake and had specifically asked for a thin layer of frosting, but the frosting was a myriad of colors, all blending and swirling together, with black trim on the edges that looked absolutely phenomenal. There were a couple of black and red roses piped on top of the frosting, and purple icing read “Happy Birthday, Mistah Steel!” It was truly beautiful, and she was so glad that the different color options worked out. It also looked to be a much larger cake than she was anticipating, but that was perfectly fine considering the number of people that were going to be at the party, and anyways then there would be extra to send home with Mistah Steel afterwords. She sent Captain Khan a message with lots of hearts, making sure that he knew she loved it even if he wasn’t the one to make it, and crossed the cake off of her list since she now knew that it was taken care of.

 

Rita searched everywhere that she could for Jacket’s number, but she was having trouble finding it. She looked in all her stacks of papers, causing them to become less organized than they had been before, but she couldn’t find it anywhere. She knew she had it though, she had dug through Mistah Steel’s comms one day when she was trying to figure out who his friends even were so that she could invite them all over. She looked to the pile of paper spaceships in the corner, and realized that she may or may not have made the teensy weensy mistake of turning it into one of the many failed folding attempts that resided over there. She sat down next to the pile and began unfolding the various papers. She found mostly blank pages, which she smoothed out and set in one pile, but there were a few pages that had things written on them. It was mostly some of her various movie and show ideas that never got to be more than half a page long because she lost interest, seeing as how she’s not a screenwriter although maybe she could sell them off…. She put those in a separate pile from the blank pages.

 

When she was about halfway through the pile of spaceships, her comms rang and her doorbell rang at the same time. “Come in, the door’s unlocked!” she yelled towards the front of her house while she picked up her comms. “Rita’s comms, this is Rita speaking!”

 

The voice over the comms is clearly speaking over two other arguing voices. “Miss Rita, this is he who both you and Juno refer to as ‘Jacket’ or ‘Big Guy.’ I am on my way with Buddy and Vespa and copious amounts of liquor, but I just wanted to confirm the address. It’s 562 Montain View, right?”

 

Rita’s eyes blew open wide, terrified at the number of different addresses she might have accidentally given people. “No no no!” Captain Khan walked around the corner and saw her sitting on the floor looking frantic and immediately was worried about what might be going wrong. She gave a small wave, and pointed into the kitchen for the cake and other things that he had brought along. “No, I live at 427 Lakeview Avenue. It’s a little house that looks exactly like every other one on the block except for the fact that I’ve got pink and teal window curtains and my front yard is a little yellower than my neighbors but I was trying out this new fertilizer that was supposed to make it greener and it didn’t end up working.”

 

She could hear him speaking to the others, telling Buddy to change the GPS coordinates. There were some ‘hmm’s that came from the other end of the line that concerned Rita even more. Captain Khan peeked around the corner. “Is there anything you’d like me to do to help you get set up?” he said quietly, trying not to stress her out any more than she clearly already was. She stuck up a finger, indicating to wait just one more moment.

 

“Mistah Jacket sir? You got it all figured out?” She had one hand up to her mouth, dangerously close to starting back up her habit of nail chewing.

 

“Sorry, couple of difficulties with the GPS. Yes, we’ve got it all figured out, it’s even closer than we were expecting. We’ll see you soon, Miss Rita, thank you.”

 

The line clicked dead and Rita slumped, letting out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding. She closed her eyes for a few seconds, trying to maintain her calm and composure, and then opened them and stood up, startling Captain Khan. “Captain Khan! I’m so glad you made it to the right place! Apparently a whole buncha people are havin troubles gettin my address right, so you bein here makes me feel a whole lot better.” She put her hand on his shoulder and she turned him around so they could deal with the disaster that was the kitchen. “I know, it’s a bit messy, but if you’re willin to give me a hand, we’ll get this done in no time.” It wasn’t that the kitchen itself was actually all that messy, it was more that there was just a LOT of stuff in it at the time, covering all the flat surfaces in the room. She had the usual kitchen appliances, but also randomly a desk on the far side of the kitchen? It was completely closed up and most certainly the neatest part of the kitchen.

 

Captain Khan cleared his throat. “So, uh. Did you invite all of Hyperion City? Or are you just prepared to feed the other half after the party?” He chuckled a little bit, trying to make it extremely clear to the stressed out Rita that he was trying to be funny.

 

Rita, however, didn’t really take the joke as it was. “Do you think I have too much? I just wanted to make sure I had enough stuff so that everyone could find something they liked, even I didn’t really know them or anything about them. And then also then if someone finds something they _really_ like, then they can take some home with them like party favors! I thought that might be nice, is it too much?”

 

Khan looked around. “Well, I mean, it might be a little over the top, but I’m sure everything will be okay. What was your plan for them?”

 

Rita went over to a cupboard and opened it up, expertly catching the stack of plastic bowls that fell off of one of the upper shelves as soon as she opened it. “I was gonna put a bag in each of these bowls because I think each one should fit a bag. Or maybe it’s two, I don’t remember. The goal is to just have a bunch of different kinds of stuff in bowls on the table and on the counter in here, and then this-” she pointed to a different counter “-could be where we have a drink station, depending on how many different things Mistah Mercury and Mistah Jacket and friends bring.”

 

Captain Khan took the stack of bowls out of Rita’s hands. “I can get to this if you wouldn’t mind clearing off some of the table so that we can put things there once I put them in bowls.”

 

Rita broke out a smile, and made a move as if she was thinking about going in for a hug but thought better of it at the last moment. “Thank you so much, Captain Khan.”

 

“It’s really no trouble, Miss Rita, my wife behaves in a very similar manner when she has to set up for book club meetings, so I try to do my best so no one else struggles as much.”

 

Rita went back into the dining room after pointing out where all of the other bags of things were, trusting him to make good decisions about which ones should take priority. She went back to her pile of paper spaceships and looked at the one that she had just located, that had Jacket’s number on it, and place it neatly in a separate pile from the others. She remembered her list on the table, and got up to look at it as the doorbell rang. “Come on in it’s unlocked!” she yelled again as she looked at the list on the table, crossing off that she had at least spoken to Jacket, Buddy, and Vespa. As she was crossing their names off, she looked up and saw that they were the very people walking through the door at the moment. “Oh good! I’m glad you found it!”

 

“You did give a very accurate description,” Buddy pointed out. She pointed at herself and Rita took a moment to admire the dress that she was wearing, which was also pink and teal, although in a slightly different pattern. “I rather like the curtains actually. I don’t mind matching them.” Buddy smiled, which was slightly unsettling to Rita, but still, it made her feel better about the fact that they were there, considering they were some of the few people that Rita had actually never met before.

 

Rita’s comms rang again. “Oh, I’ve gotta grab that. Captain Khan is in the kitchen and he knows where drinks are gonna go, if you’d like to bring things in there.” She gestured towards the kitchen behind her as she picked up her comms. It said it was from an unregistered number, which really only narrowed it down to the two people left on her list that she hadn’t talked to yet. “Hello, this is Rita’s comms, Rita speaking!” She said into it, the three new arrivals slightly taken aback by hearing and seeing her say it in person.

 

“Rita, can you explain to me why I’ve all of a sudden found Mick Mercury following me across Hyperion City? My records indicate that he has no reason to be on this side of the city, and while I might be able to handle him for slight amounts of time, he can be rather irritating in the rearview mirror.”

 

Rita sighed. It was good to know that Sasha was on her way when Rita hadn’t had a chance to call her yet, and good to know that Mick was at least headed in the right direction, but she didn’t want either of them to strangle each other before they got there. “Well, you see, your records probably indicate that Mistah Mercury is also terrible at following directions, and so he thought I lived on the other side of town, so that’s why he’s coming from the other side of town. I mean, you’re both Mistah Steel’s friends, you two can get along at least enough to not kill each other before you get here, right?”

 

“Oh I’m not going to actively try and kill him, I’m just saying that his driving is atrocious and he should only drive the least distance possible. I’ll try to stop him without killing him and see if he’d rather just take a ride from me. I suppose I was also checking to make sure he was actually invited, considering it might be an oversight had you not invited him. Or a blessing in disguise, who knows.”

 

“Well, you are friends with him, ain’t ya Miss Sasha?”

 

“Yes well. Sometimes friends is a bit of a loose term.”

 

“Well either way, yes Miss Sasha, Mistah Mercury is invited to the party and whether you like it or not, he’s Mistah Steel’s friend too, so you don’t get to kill him just yet.” Rita kept her thought about how she wouldn’t much like it if Sasha killed him either to herself, trying to push that one aside for at least the current moment. “And I’m sure that if you offered him a ride, he’d appreciate it, considering how loud and slow that bike of his is.”

 

“Of course.” Sasha sounded completely disinterested in the idea. “Either way, we’ll be there soon.” She hung up, and Rita stared at her list for a moment, trying to regain composure. She couldn’t let that Mistah Mercury get in the way of her plannin the evening, no matter how high up on Juno’s friends list he might’ve been ranked. It wasn’t even that Rita disliked him all that much, if anything it was more -

 

“Here,” said a voice, interrupting her thoughts while a hand pushed a cup into her vision. She looked up to see that the hand was attached to Miss Buddy. “You look like you could use one. Planning things is a stressful gig.” Rita gladly accepted, taking a far bigger sip than she would’ve had she realized the alcohol content of the cup that she’d been given. She swallowed it down though, coughing through it. “You know, I do call that one a ‘Brutal Blast.’ Small sips, honey.”

 

Rita nodded back at her, setting the cup down for a moment. “Thank you very much, Miss Buddy.” She crossed off a couple more things on the list and then looked at her watch. It was at this point about an hour until Juno would be there, and there was still a significant number of things that needed to be done in that hour. She set more intently to work on cleaning up the piles of papers that were strewn across the table, and gathered them all up into one pile. She thought about shoving them all in her desk or in the dining room drawer with her other important lists, but she decided that the party list was the only thing important enough at the moment to keep downstairs, and brought all the rest of her papers upstairs, where she flung them into her bedroom, leaving them to be worried about tomorrow. She came back downstairs to the remaining pile of paper spaceships, and all of the ones that weren’t already unfolded were just bunched up into her arms, ruining many of the meticulous folds she had spent hours working on the night before, running upstairs to throw them into her room as well. She heard her comms ping, so she ran back downstairs to grab it. It was a message from Alessandra, telling Rita she’d be right over, and that luckily she had managed to capture the asshole that she had been tracking down for her case. Alessandra was one that Rita was never a hundred percent sure about, whether she liked Rita to any degree or not, but Rita wasn’t all that worried about it, considering she and Juno managed to get along _just_ fine and Rita had other people she had to worry about, both romantically and in other ways.

 

On that list of people she had to worry about in a different way was one of the only people who Rita hadn’t gotten around to contacting yet, and who hadn’t managed to contact her yet either -  that Agent Glass fellow that Mistah Steel was quite fond of. Rita scrolled in her comms, knowing that his was a number that she had made sure to save, and when she found it, she called. And waited. And waited. And was sent to voicemail. She thought that was odd, there must be something wrong with his comms, so she hung up, and called again. And waited. And waited. And was sent to voicemail again. She angrily decided that she would try one more time. So she called. And waited. And on the very last ring, she finally heard a voice answer. “Hello?” She wasn’t entirely sure it was actually him, it sounded slightly off.

 

“Hiya, is this Mistah Agent Rex Glass? It’s Rita, Mistah Juno Steel’s secretary.”

 

“Of course, I know who you are. And yes, this is Agent Glass. What can I do for you, Miss Rita?” He sounded much clearer all of a sudden, much more like the man she was looking for.

 

“Oh well I was callin to make sure you were on your way for Mistah Steel’s surprise birthday party. I woulda called sooner but I’ve been making sure I’ve been talking to a whole lot of people to make sure I’ve got all of Mistah Steel’s friends here, and I’m sure he’d want to see you here too. After all, you two did seem to be quite, uh…. Quite close.” She wasn’t entirely sure if she was overstepping some boundaries or something like that, insinuating what she was, but she figured it was an alright time to say it.

 

“Well….”

 

He sounded hesitant, which made Rita’s heart drop a little. “You forgot about the whole thing, didn’t ya?”

 

“No no no, not at all! Of course I didn’t forget Juno’s birthday! Of course not, I just….” His pause made Rita even more worried. “Juno didn’t tell you anything about the last time he saw me, did he?”

 

Rita’s worry didn’t entirely dissipate, but the majority of it turned into confusion. “I, well, no…. No he didn’t. Is there something I _should_ know?”

 

He didn’t speak for a while, far too long to be comfortable and almost long enough for Rita to ask to make sure the call didn’t drop. “Well…. To put it simply, Juno walked away and that makes me…. Not entirely sure that he wants to see me again….”

 

Rita had to think about that for a moment. What the hell could have happened between the two of them that would make Mistah Steel walk away from that beautiful man? And, if Mistah Steel was the one to walk away, then why had he been acting like such a sad lady since he had last seen Mistah Agent Glass?  “Well, I don’t really know what all went down, but I can tell you that Mistah Steel certainly hasn’t been acting like he walked away from you, Mistah Glass. If anything, it’s seemed like he’s been trying to find you again, and I’m absolutely sure he wouldn’t say no if you did show up.”

 

“Well….” He seemed overly cautious and hesitant again. “It’s in less than an hour, isn’t it?”

 

Rita looked down at her watch. It was indeed in less than an hour and she still had a number of balloons to get filled up and placed around the house. “I… Yeah, it is. I’m sure even if you were to show up late, I mean -”

 

“I’ll try my best to make it on time, but there’s no promises on if I’ll be there at all.”

 

Rita figured it was the best she was going to get out of him. “Alright then, I’ll take it. Hope to see you soon, Mistah Glass.”

 

“I…. Hope so too, Miss Rita.”

 

The line clicked dead and Rita was left with even more worries and doubts than before.

 

“Everything okay, Rita?” Captain Khan came around the corner and asked her.

 

“Yeah, Captain Khan, thank you. I did just remember I had a whole lotta balloons I wanted to blow up and tie around the house, would you all mind givin me a hand with those?” There were nods and ‘sures’ from the group of people that were currently there, and while Rita got them started on the small mountain of balloons that she had purchased and had stored in her kitchen desk, Rita finished running some of the last of the papers upstairs to her bedroom, and started moving the different bowls so that they were arranged around a gap in the middle of her table, which was where she decided the cake was going to go. She hadn’t entirely figured out who all was going to be holding the cake when Mistah Steel arrived, but she figured that someone should be. She realized that people had also been amassing a small pile of gifts by the door, even though she had said that they really didn’t need to considering how Mistah Steel was, as they all knew, but she realized that she now needed a place to put those too. Which may or may not have reminded her about her own gift, which she still had stashed away upstairs in her closet, not that Mistah Steel even came over to her house all that often, but she figured it was as safe a spot as any. She ran upstairs and grabbed the gift - a nice little notebook so that when he was on a case and didn’t have Rita with him, he could still take notes, with a matching pen, and also a water bottle covered in stickers because Rita wasn’t sure she had ever really seen Mistah Steel actually drink any water, and frankly considering how long she had worked for him, that was a little concerning - and the gift bag that they were in so that she could bring it downstairs to add it to the pile of other gifts. She looked around her living room and dining room, and decided that the coffee table in front of the couch would be a great place for them, since then Mistah Steel could sit and people could watch as he opened the presents - even though she didn’t really understand why people were always so fascinated with things like that - and could all be together and everything.

 

Yet again the doorbell rang right as her comms did as well. She was starting to wonder if she had accidentally connected the two over the fancy circuitry she did with her doorbell, but she determined that couldn’t be it considering when other people had arrived earlier her comms hadn’t gone off each time and every time her comms went off it didn’t necessarily happen at the same time as the door, otherwise earlier when all the people were callin and messagin her it would’ve driven her completely bonkers. “Come in!” she yelled yet again towards the door, and as it opened she could hear the bickering coming through it. When she looked over at the door, she saw that it was Mistah Mercury and Miss Sasha arriving together, carrying in a few bags of things that gave Rita cause for a mild heart attack, considering she had already planned out all of the space she could in her house, until she remembered that she had asked Mistah Mercury if he could get some pop for the party and that that was likely what was in the bags. Rita looked down at her comms and swore when she saw the words on the screen.

 

     “Message from: Mistah Steel

      I’m just leaving the office now, so I should be over in about twenty minutes or so, and then we can go to the movies. Can you remind me which one you picked out?”

 

She had forgotten that she had to keep up the pretense that they were going out to the movies and not watching one at the theater. She didn’t even know if there were any good ones in theaters right now anyways, so she simply shot back a response that said “It’s a SURPRISE, Mistah Steel!” to which he didn’t respond, likely because he was driving and he was someone that actually adhered to all those laws about texting and driving and blah blah blah. That was what the auto-controls were for anyways, right?

 

She heard another voice coming in through the door before Miss Sasha and Mistah Mercury were able to close it and when she looked it was Miss Strong, who was managing to diffuse the growing argument of the other two by the door. All of a sudden it was starting to become extremely overwhelming for Rita, and she took a moment to run into her bathroom, where presumably no one would bother her, grabbing the drink that Miss Buddy had made for her on the way there.

 

When she reached her bathroom, she sat on the edge of her tub, setting the drink next to her, and put her head in her hands while she took deep breaths for a second. She knew that Mistah Steel hated surprises and especially surprise parties and what had she done? Planned exactly what she knew he hated, right on his birthday. He didn’t even like his birthday either! She hoped that he would have fun, but she was extremely worried about everything, considering she had gone and done everything wrong. What if he had tried to invite other people along and they all said they were busy and now he was slightly upset and disappointed that no one else was available to go to the movies with him and Rita? What if he had a really hard and stressful day at work and he was looking forward to the idea of being able to fall asleep in one of those really comfortable movie theater chairs and now she took that away from him? She still had some very comfortable chairs, she had to tell herself, but they were just a whole different feeling than those reclining chairs that you had to pay far too much to sit in while watching a movie you don’t really even care about all that much. She picked up her glass and had a sip, like Miss Buddy had suggested before. She was right, it was much better when you sipped it, there were a lot of different flavors that Rita most certainly didn’t recognize, but that even then couldn’t cover up the sting of the alcohol within.

 

Despite what she had thought, after a minute or two of deep breaths while sitting on the edge of her tub, a knock came at the bathroom door. “Hey, uh, Rita? You doin alright in there?” Just the man she didn’t want to have a direct conversation with just yet.

 

She flung open the door after downing the rest of the drink - nuanced flavors thrown aside in the hopes for as immediate of calming effects as possible - and stood face to face with Mick Mercury. “I’m doin just fine, Mistah Mercury! Nothin to worry about, just a little bit of excitement and nervousness before Mistah Steel arrives!”

 

She smiled wide, trying to will him out of her way so that she could slide past and make sure that everything was in exactly the right spot, but he stayed where he was. “You’re worried about whether or not JJ is gonna absolutely hate you over this, aren’t you?”

 

Rita hadn’t thought it was that obvious. “I mean…. Well, maybe just a little. I just don’t want him to have the absolute worst birthday ever because I know he’s had a lot of bad ones in the past and I just want him to have fun with all of his friends but I know he doesn't like parties or surprises or surprise parties and -”

 

“Rita.” Mick put his hands on her shoulders as reassuringly as he could, and she tried to ignore that simply so that she didn’t hyperventilate from the contact, remembering her list of reasons why she shouldn’t care quite so much about him. “I can promise you that even if he doesn’t like surprises, or parties, or birthdays, or surprise birthday parties, this won’t be the worst birthday he’s ever had. Because it’s been planned by someone who cares so much about him, and you made sure to bring together all the people who care about him too, and honestly, this is one of the best planned parties I’ve ever been to in my life, and I’ve snuck into a lot of very fancy, well planned parties in my life. You’ve done a great job, and you shouldn’t feel bad about how things happen. JJ doesn’t like to accept that there are people who actually love him, and sometimes he just needs that forced upon him. It’ll be better than the year we almost burned my house down for sure.”

 

This final innocuous statement just opened Rita’s tear ducts once again. “Oh my god Mistah Mercury, what if that happens here though? I totally didn’t even plan for any disasters like that! Oh my god, I -”

 

He cut her off with a big hug. “It’s going to be perfect, Rita. Trust me.” He pulled back and wiped at the tears on her face. “Save the tears for another time, JJ’ll be here in what, ten minutes or so?”

 

Rita looked down at her watch. Had she spent that long sitting in the bathroom? “Oh my god you’re right! He’ll be here in ten minutes! Oh we need to get everything situated!” She pushed past him this time, running into the dining room. While she had been in the bathroom worrying about everything, the others had gone about tying balloons in clusters around the house, as well as finished organizing and arranging the various foods and beverages. The gifts had been moved so that they were all in a cluster on her coffee table, including those from the more recent arrivals. Rita looked around at all the rooms, double checking that everything was picked up and where it needed to be. When she was satisfied that all of that was done, she looked back at her list to make extra sure. She started to point out where she wanted people to hide, and went over that they were only to pop out of their hiding places _after_ she said “Come on in, Mistah Steel, it’ll just be a minute.” Sasha would be the one holding the cake, since she was really one of the most likely there to not drop it, and set about assigning other hiding places to various people.

 

She looked at her watch. Mistah Steel’d be there any minute now, and there was still one person missing. She picked up her comms and dialed the number one more time. And waited. And waited. And waited. And went to a full voicemail. She sighed. She had tried to get Mistah Agent Glass to be there, she really had.

 

She heard Mistah Steel’s car pulling up outside. His car wasn’t all that loud, or all that old, but it had a very particular sound to it. She made sure to shush everyone in the house, and went back towards the kitchen to make sure that the light was off, and so that she would have to run towards the door. As she was waiting for him to walk up, her kitchen window opened up. She nearly screamed, her nerves instantly being set on edge at the thought of someone robbing her house right at this very instant, as Mistah Steel was arriving, but upon further inspection, it was Mistah Agent Rex Glass,[ climbing through the window at the very last second](https://arting-blog.tumblr.com/post/182828584101/a-peter). She gave him a hand, opening the window a little wider. “You’re cuttin it awfully close there, Mistah Glass.”

 

“I was…. A bit tied up with some other business inbetween when you called and now, I hope you’ll forgive me.”

 

The doorbell rang. “Just a moment, Mistah Steel!” she called out towards the front of the house. “Just ask Captain Khan here for the details and don’t screw anything up,” she whispered to Agent Glass as she walked towards the front of the house. She smoothed down her dress and took a deep breath as she reached to open the door….


	2. The Party

Juno Steel preferred not to think very often about his birthday as a thing that happened, despite the odd obsession that some of the people around him seemed to have with birthdays as a whole. He could attribute part of his attitude towards birthdays to the number that he had spent by himself or with his mother and brother, and frankly, none of those were ones he wanted to think about all that much. Sure, there was the year where Mick decided that it’d be fun to try and bake a huge elaborate cake and ended up almost burning his house down, and that was an eventful birthday. Or the year Annie and Sasha had planned an elaborate scavenger hunt that went awry and ended with the cops picking them up for being out well past curfew, and so their parents had to come get all of them at two in the morning, all very clearly irritated at the idiotic actions of their children, despite the ways that they tried to protest that is was Juno and Ben’s birthdays, so it was all in good fun.

 

But Rita always insisted they do something for his birthday, her reasoning always something about how his life seemed far too sad and depressing otherwise, to which Juno always just responded with simply a deadpan look, as if to say “how could my life really get more sad and depressing than it already is,” but to which Juno also always agreed.

 

It was a relatively easy day in the office, which Rita had taken off for whatever reason she said. She had said that it wasn’t a surprise party, but Juno wasn’t entirely convinced that she wasn’t lying. She did have good excuses though, so it wasn’t as though she hadn’t planned things out meticulously if she had planned a party, Juno just…. He was never a fan of parties, never really a fan of surprises, not much of a fan of birthdays, so he was understandably not a huge fan of surprise birthday parties. And frankly, he didn’t even know who all she would invite. It wasn’t as though Juno had a huge number of friends. Sure, an okay number of people who tolerated him, a decent number that weren’t actively trying to kill him at that moment, but still, “not actively trying to kill you” doesn't necessarily translate to “friends.”

 

There were a couple of meetings with clients that he had to sit through, none of them all that important or interesting, but necessary nonetheless. By the time the day was over he was practically ready to accept whatever Rita said that they were doing unless it involved those weird parachuting sim things. Those were about the only thing off the list at this point, because no degree of boredom could ever really make him want that.

 

He sent Rita a text, which was much harder to do without her there to help him, letting her know that he was leaving the office as he locked up. As he was getting into his car he was met with a feeling of…. Unease. He wasn’t entirely sure why, but he just had the feeling that something was off. As he drove over to Rita’s it wasn’t even any worse of traffic than normal. It was almost as though everything - besides Rita this morning when she had called Juno to say she wasn’t coming in - seemed just a little _too_ normal.

 

When he got to Rita’s block, he noticed that there were a few more cars on the block that he hadn’t seen before, but they were spread out enough that maybe one of her neighbors was having a party, it didn’t necessarily have to be Rita who was the one having the party. He got out of the car and walked up to the front door. She was never ready on time, she always needed five more minutes, no matter how much forewarning he gave her. As he was walking up he thought he saw someone dashing around in her backyard, but when he tried to look at things a little more clearly, whoever he might’ve seen seemed to have disappeared. He wasn’t all that worried, he was sure he’d hear Rita scream if someone was breaking into her house. He rang the doorbell, figuring that she wasn’t waiting by the door for him considering her track record of not being ready. “Just a moment, Mistah Steel!” he heard from the other side of the door, likely back by her kitchen. Wait, her kitchen? Why would she be in there? Why not her bathroom or her room or something? Maybe she was making coffee or tea or something, it was probably nothing.

 

As soon as Rita opened the door, the smell of pizza hit Juno and he knew that something was off. She wouldn’t have gotten pizza if they were going to the movie theater, and while it was possible that she got it for the two of them, it was significantly less likely. Inside he knew it and wasn’t really entirely prepared for it and how much interaction that meant for the rest of the evening, but on the outside he simply did his best to act like he didn’t notice anything. “You ready to go, Rita?”

 

She looked nervous. “You know, Mistah Steel, I actually just gotta run upstairs and grab something real quick.” She stepped back from the door, inviting him in. “So why don’t you come on in, Mistah Steel. It’ll really just be a moment.”

 

Juno knew it when she said that last line a little bit more loudly than the first, enunciated a bit more clearly. As soon as he stepped inside after she said that, it was as though an explosion of light and color went off. The lights turned on and his eyes were drawn to the multitude of balloons tied to every possible object in Rita’s house, in enough different colors to make it seem as though she lived in a paint factory. There were streamers hanging from every doorway, every window, every light fixture, and there was some confetti on the floor even. He didn’t envy Rita’s vacuum after all of this was over, that’s for sure. He noticed that there was a small colorful pile on Rita’s coffee table, less colorful than the balloons for sure but the different colored ribbons and papers and bags encompassing the gifts that people had brought for Juno. People had put in the effort and money to get him actual gifts, and this was surely the most he’d received since the days of Oldtown when his brother and mother were still around, with friends that cared enough to put in the effort.

 

And then the people popped out and he was more surprised than he ever could have expected. They popped out of all sorts of places that he didn’t realize could hide a person quite as well as they did, and it was lucky for all of them that he had left his blaster in his car because it scared him just enough that years and years of conditioning made him feel for the blaster anyways before his brain caught up and said “hey wait not right now.” Mick Mercury, the one person who he would have bet on actually caring enough to respond to Rita’s invitation, popped up from behind Rita’s dining room table, and next to him popped up one Sasha Wire, someone who he would’ve assumed had too many other important things to do other than waste time at a party, even if it was for Juno. They were holding a massive cake together that read ‘Happy Birthday Mistah Steel!’ and just seeing the two of them holding that was an image that could have kept him happy for any number of birthdays following this one, his two oldest friends both smiling and holding a cake that they hadn’t burned anything down for or stolen.

 

Those two were about as many people as Juno had expected Rita to manage to pull together for a surprise party. And needless to say, when there were actually more people than just those two, it really did become a surprise.

 

Buddy Aurinko was hiding behind one of Rita’s curtains, which she actually managed to blend in with spectacularly well, with Vespa hiding behind the other one. Big Guy came with them and was simply hiding behind the door, but Rita didn’t close the door until people popped out anyways. He was a bit too big to really fit into any nooks or crannies, so he didn’t even blame him. Alessandra Strong popped up from where she was laying down flat on Rita’s couch, flashing a coy smile at Juno. Captain Khan - who Juno would’ve expected to be at home with his family considering it was one of those Earth holidays that he cared so much about - popped out of the doorways to the kitchen and next to him….

 

Juno knew that as they jumped out, they had all yelled something like “Happy Birthday Juno” but he didn’t even hear it. As he scanned all of the people who jumped out, his eyes landed and stuck to the one person who wasn’t acting as exuberant as the rest, the that seemed as though he wasn’t even entirely sure that he belonged there, even though he was one of the people who could make up for an entire party just by himself. Standing next to Captain Khan, a little bit behind the doorway, stood Peter Nureyev. It dawned on Juno that he must’ve been the figure that Juno saw dashing behind Rita’s house as he was pulling up, seeing as he looked slightly more disheveled than the others. Although Rita didn’t actually have access to the backyard, so she didn’t have a back door, so how he managed to get into Rita’s house was…. Likely through the window. But even though he truly looked as though he had just climbed in through the window, he still looked just as beautiful as ever, filling Juno with so many mixed emotions. How had Rita even managed to find him? Even though Juno had been the one to walk away from him, he had realized his mistake and had been trying to find Nureyev for weeks.

 

He realized that everyone else was staring at him, and Rita’s face next to him had fallen. “Oh boss you hate it don’t you I’m so sorry boss I just thought that you might like -” He cut her off with a hug.

 

“Rita, this is amazing. Thank you. Thank you all of you.” He looked up from her shoulder and saw everyone around him smiling, all coming in for a big group hug.

 

\----

 

Once he was freed from the affections of everyone, there was food to be grabbed (Rita pointing out that she didn’t lie about the popcorn while throwing a bag of caramel corn at Juno) and drinks to be poured, followed by  everyone sitting around while Juno opened his presents. He hadn’t asked for anything of course, but they all knew he would accept it in stride at least while they were all there.

 

Buddy and Vespa brought Juno a glass bottle that was filled with some sort of clear liquid, that Buddy said was distilled at the Lighthouse. There were also some very fancy glasses for it, much smaller than one might have expected, but Vespa said that even then it could be a little much.

 

Jacket brought a meticulously wrapped package that nearly moved Juno to tears when he unwrapped it. “I figured you were quite a fan of mine, so I thought you might like having a new one of your own.” Juno put it on immediately, and Rita took many many photos, in part because the big guy had gotten the sizing a little off, and it was much larger than Juno would normally wear.

 

Mick and Sasha had gotten him a gift together, “Just like the old days” was how Mick described it. He pulled out a simple black flask and knew it was something they had gotten him many years ago, but had lost a couple years ago. He could feel that there was something else in the bag though, and pulled out an elegant black and bronze pocket watch. “They’re sort of outdated, but it looked really cool, and then even when you can’t figure out how to work your comms, you’ll know what time it is.” He shot a glare at Mick for the joke about his inability to use technology, but it had no malice behind it, and was accompanied by a smile.

 

Captain Khan had brought a small but heavy box. When Juno picked it up, his eyes went wide as he turned towards Khan. He didn’t even need to ask the question that was on his mind, the answer already plastered across Khan’s face in the form of a wide, cheeky grin. Inside the box was a glass paperweight. Specifically, the glass paperweight that Juno got when he was part of the HCPD for some sharpshooting contest. It was also the glass paperweight that Juno had written “FUCK COPS” on in red sharpie when he left the HCPD. It now had another addition, this time in neat blue sharpie, just under Juno’s handwriting: “Or Not.” Juno couldn’t contain his laughter, and even though he and Khan were the only ones who really got the joke, everyone laughed along with them when they passed the paperweight around so everyone could get a look at what was so hilarious.

 

Alessandra’s gift wasn’t even wrapped, simply a ribbon tied around it with a gift tag on it. It was a fancy new blaster, one that had seven different settings and a faster cooldown period so you could shoot more people faster. Juno looked at her. “How did you know?” Her only response was a sly smile and wink, and it was all the response Juno really needed.

 

Rita’s gift had about five yards of tissue paper in it, which made Juno look like a pink mummy by the time he finished pulling all of it out. “Okay so I got you a reusable water bottle because I’ve never seen you drink any water Mistah Steel and I’m really sorta worried about your health with that. I got you a notebook because you know sometimes you gotta be able to take your own notes because I can’t always come with ya on your cases so you can take notes in it and each page has a cute kitty saying something really nice on it and I thought that you might appreciate it even if only to make some fun of it. And there’s a pack of my favorite pens for writing in your handy dandy notebook as well. I also got you a pound of licorice because I know you love it even if you won’t admit it, because you steal mine all the time. And I got some candles to help you calm down after a stressful day at work, and they smell like a whole bunch of different things based on your mood, they’re really interesting and Franny got a couple of them from work and I thought that you might like it. I also got you another version of your favorite coffee mug in case I ever break the one you have in the office.” Juno pulled out each thing as Rita explained it, amazed at how much thought she had put into it. “I figured it would just look like a whole bunch of random stuff otherwise so I figured you might need it explained.”

 

“Rita, that’s. Amazingly thoughtful. Wow. Seriously, thank you all of you.”  


“Mistah Steel it looks like you still got one more hiding under there, that little blue box.”

 

Juno picked it up and looked around to see who it would be from before locking eyes with Peter. How he had managed to get his gift onto the pile he couldn’t tell, but he wasn’t surprised, even considering the lateness with which he seemed to arrive.

 

Juno pulled the lid off of it and found a small envelope. He pulled it out and noticed how thick it was, scared of the many words that may be hidden inside. He slid it inside his pocket, giving another glance back up at Peter before looking back at the box as he moved a piece of fabric away and uncovered a beautiful silver watch. The others around him leaned in, oohing and aahing while Juno was busy trying to do the math. He knew that there had been some sort of jewelry theft recently, and when he finally looked at Peter again, gentle accusation in his eyes, Peter was simply shaking his head in denial, knowing the question revolving through Juno’s mind. He pulled a small slip of paper out of a pocket somewhere and held it up, showing Juno that he actually had a receipt. Juno just smiled and shook his head at Peter, rolling his eyes while he did so.

 

“Wow Mistah Glass, that’s beautiful! Where on Mars did you get that?”

 

“I have a friend in Olympus Mons who makes watches, and they do a very beautiful job for a very reasonable price.” He winked at Rita as he said this, which made Juno question what that receipt he had held up was actually for, but attentions were turned to other places as the abundance of food on the dining room table was remembered now that presents were over with.

 

\----

 

Eventually the party began to wind down, other engagements to be held whisking people away, each person bringing home enough food to last them at least a week while Rita’s supply still held strong. At the end of the night, the four that remained were the birthday lady himself, Mistah Not-Glass (as he’d given Rita permission to call him), Rita, and Mick. The latter two both had snuck away for a short while after Mick had asked her about something that he saw sticking out of one of her kitchen drawers, and while they weren’t gone long enough for anything improper to happen, Rita had somehow seemed even giddier than normal when they came back to join the others. Juno had asked Peter what was in the envelope that was in the box, but Peter insisted that he read that some time when he wasn’t surrounded by other people, and where Peter couldn’t see the reactions on his face while he read it.

 

But at the end of the night, [the four of them were piled onto Rita’s couch](https://arting-blog.tumblr.com/post/183168273466/a-drawing-for-the-2nd-chapter-of-the-amazing), chatting about random stories that some had heard before, and some would have never guessed. Peter was engrossed in some story that Juno and Rita had both heard from Mick a hundred times if not more, and Juno just had a small smile on his face. Rita tapped on his shoulder, and he turned his head to look at her. “Did you enjoy the party, Mistah Steel?”

 

“This was the best birthday I’ve ever had."

**Author's Note:**

> Hella huge THANK YOU SO MUCH to our LOVELY AND WONDERFUL AND AMAZING organizers Bri and Karin, literally could not have done it without you. HUGE thanks to my artist @leicykyle as well (if you see any text that's a hyperlink, you should click it to see her art. there's one art in chapter one and one art in chapter two.)
> 
> I'm late getting this second chapter out, and I know I promised it two weeks ago, but ya know, it be like that sometimes.  
> Thank you all for reading the literal longest fic I've ever written (if not the longest thing in general that I've ever written) I appreciate you all.


End file.
